2012 – 2013
After the initial stage of anger and outrage, I fell to grief and depression. White people were telling me how to feel and it didn’t matter whether they were right or not. I was done with white people having control, but I wasn’t yet able to gauge how to control myself. There were a lot of emotions stirring, but how to organize, prioritize, and ultimately sort them out? What is it to be privileged? What is it to be Han Chinese, the white people of the largest continent in the world, but also to be Americanized and living in America?
In 2013, I received an opportunity to paint wine barrels up at the Safan Art Ranch in Fiddletown. It was a really fun project, but extremely challenging.