2012 – 2013
After the initial stage of anger and outrage at the world and myself, I fell to grief and depression. White people were telling me how to feel and it didn’t matter whether they were right or not. I was done with white people having control, but I wasn’t yet able to gauge how to control myself. There were a lot of emotions stirring, but how to organize, prioritize, and ultimately sort them out? What is it to be privileged? What is it to be Han Chinese, the white people of the largest continent in the world, but also to be Americanized and living in America as a person of color?
These pieces were more therapeutic than anything else. I continued using noodles and body parts as graphical elements. However, these body parts were meant to represent the naivety of young girls – the naivety being something to envy, to miss. Other graphical elements I added to the mix were the void and satisfaction of space, pattern, and abstraction.
On the technical side, I wanted to explore flatness and depth. I didn’t push it too much, but I enjoyed making my pieces look a little bit like collages or puzzle pieces that just haven’t quite been pushed into place.
In 2013, I received an opportunity to paint wine barrels up at the Safan Art Ranch in Fiddletown. It was a really fun project, but extremely challenging. I have never been and probably never will be good at creating work for other people or within a specific time frame. I just have a bad work ethic… Several years later and I’m still working on it!
These pieces continued to explore pattern, abstraction, Barbie dolls (Asians forced to fit in the white Barbie doll mold), etc. I think at this point in time, I might have also begun to explore some daddy issues (because my bio dad was a jerk, apparently). Just a lot of angry stuff, but still playful because if I can’t laugh then all I’ll do is cry.